I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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