it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
