There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
