Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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