dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
