I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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