i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
