My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The Olympian is in my bed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
