i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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