It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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