her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
