I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
