Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
