Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
