I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
