Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
cat food counts as protein by the way
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
we should paint friendship bongs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
