Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
