the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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