there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
