I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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