I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
