It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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