I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
