Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
