Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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