Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
