It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
