just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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