dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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