Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
