Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
