it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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