Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
