i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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