why didn't you poke me back
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
