i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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