Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
