pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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