I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
