i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
