Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
