im having a threesome with these popsicles
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
