plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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