First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
