I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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