Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
