i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
