My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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