be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
