i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
